So lately, I keep thinking about the chemical pregnancy that I had. I would have been due Feb 12ish. I honestly thought that I was over it. I had a good cry after it happened and we just kept trying. I didn't even mentioned that I had it when I first joined the board because I thought I was past it and I didn't really want to dwell on it. I thought that I would be PG again by the time that the due date would have passed.
Well since I am currently not PG yet, I keep thinking that if only it had been a viable pregnancy I would have a baby in my arms. And as I keep thinking about it, I get teary eyed and emotional. I keep crying at night. It kinda sucks.
To top off being good and emotional, MADD ( Mothers Against Drunk Driving)showed a video yesterday at the high school. It was a really well done production and it made a lot of the kids think. Well at the end they had interviews of people that lost family members and they showed pictures of people that had died being hit or in the car with drunk drivers. I was pretty teary eyed by this point. Then I saw pictures of a baby and it took everything I had to not start bawling completely. I hadn't really wanted to watch the video, as I did get teary eyed during MADD presentations in high school, but with the way I have been feeling, I was so not in the right head space to watch it.
I think I keep thinking now too that I have a job that the only thing now is I need a baby. In some ways getting a job was keeping my mind off baby making entirely, but now that I have a job, the baby bug seems to be hitting me even harder.
So this isn't really a vent, but just how I have been feeling lately.