Feeling Emotional

So lately, I keep thinking about the chemical pregnancy that I had. I would have been due Feb 12ish. I honestly thought that I was over it. I had a good cry after it happened and we just kept trying. I didn't even mentioned that I had it when I first joined the board because I thought I was past it and I didn't really want to dwell on it. I thought that I would be PG again by the time that the due date would have passed.

Well since I am currently not PG yet, I keep thinking that if only it had been a viable pregnancy I would have a baby in my arms. And as I keep thinking about it, I get teary eyed and emotional. I keep crying at night. It kinda sucks.

To top off being good and emotional, MADD ( Mothers Against Drunk Driving)showed a video yesterday at the high school. It was a really well done production and it made a lot of the kids think. Well at the end they had interviews of people that lost family members and they showed pictures of people that had died being hit or in the car with drunk drivers. I was pretty teary eyed by this point. Then I saw pictures of a baby and it took everything I had to not start bawling completely. I hadn't really wanted to watch the video, as I did get teary eyed during MADD presentations in high school, but with the way I have been feeling, I was so not in the right head space to watch it.

I think I keep thinking now too that I have a job that the only thing now is I need a baby. In some ways getting a job was keeping my mind off baby making entirely, but now that I have a job, the baby bug seems to be hitting me even harder.

So this isn't really a vent, but just how I have been feeling lately.

Sometimes things work out so well

Well not only did I get one job- teaching cooking, but I got another job as well teaching English.

So period 1- cooking
period 2- half prep/ half eating lunch
period 3- English
period 4- English
period 5- prep.

I will be working for two different school boards, but they are both in the same building, just on different floors. My days will start getting much busier now :)

Got a job

I am quite happy. I got a job teaching one class of grade 10 Food and Nutrition which is a cooking/ healthy eating class. After it seemed like I wouldn't get anything I got this job. It is on first period ( there are 4 periods in the day) so I can still supply the rest of the day. I am really excited. I start on Monday, but I was in the class on last Tues- Thurs.

I love cooking and baking so I am really excited to have this class. Hopefully it will lead to more positions with the school.

Bowling

So I still haven't started to go swimming. I seem to be having too many meetings lately and my cold is still lingering ( onto week 4).

But I bowl every week. I 5 pin bowl with my league on my team named Big Balls of Fury. There were 3 teenage boys on the team, and they picked out the name. Well I as the team captain actually picked the name of 3 choices they gave me, one was Big Knockers and the other was Morning Wood. Big Balls of Fury sounded like the best choice.

So tonight in one of my games I bowled 224. The highest I have ever gotten was 178. I was very happy.

Family Day

So today is Family Day in Ontario, Saskatchewan, and Alberta as well Manitoba and PEI have holidays as well. Most people are off work today, however federal officials still have to work ( so the Post office is open). My DH and I are together in the house, but he is playing a game and I am on my computer and soon to be putting some laundry away.

I am really hoping that next family day, we will have an additional member. Right now it is me, my DH, Bacon, and some fish. Our little family is nice, but the cat isn't always a good fill in for a baby. Last night we watched Predator ( not really romantic, but neither of us had seen it), and DH and I were on the couch and Bacon came and laid on me for a while ( and totally passed out). Then he got tired of being on me and moved to the floor. Bacon likes to cuddle, but on his own terms. Usually the terms are that he has not been fed and wants to stay near you until you go to the kitchen, and he can receive his breakfast or dinner. He loves to cuddle with me when I am trying to crochet or am typing on my computer. If he is really wanting to be fed or just wants attention he licks my nose. He loves to lick it especially when I am asleep.

He loves to sleep on our bed at night ( see again the waiting for food). More than once I have woken up with him in my arms underneath the covers. He has slept on my pillow, between me and my DH, sometimes where my ( or DH's) feet are supposed to be. On rare occasion he will sleep on my side. Even rarer on DH's side. This is a picture of him when he was a kitten and had fallen asleep on the couch.

He is our little baby, but he cannot grow up. He cannot talk to me, although he is part Siamese and he really tries to at times. We have had fights where I am telling him he was bad and he meows back with such a sharp tone, its like he is talking back to me. He cannot go to school. I can't see him change into a young man or woman. He stays the same.

I mean he is easy to take care of--I feed him twice a day, give him fresh water and change his litter box once in a while. I don't have to wake up in the night to feed him although he tries to make me do that. I don't have to change him although he gets the occasionally wash down when he smells a bit. He gets treats occasionally.

Here as a kitten in my DH's arms. He still likes to cuddle like this, but he is quite a bit larger now.

AF showed

AF showed up today and my mood seems to have improved a lot because of it. My cough seems to be going away.

My plans for the weekend kind of went down the tube as AF and BD don't mix, but at least I can say that I am on CD #1 again. About a month and half to my DA.

DH bought me flowers today which is nice. I picked them out as I was with them, but it is still nice. I also got chocolates. :) It makes me happy.

I am grumpy

Well I am usually a pretty optimist person. Not much gets me down. I have hope that things will turn out, but lately things have been piling up that get me down.

• TTC is not something I can control at the moment and although I am not trying to think about it, I am obviously aware of it. I keep feeling like AF will show, but sure enough I go check and no sign of her. I have been having random cramping.
• I have had a cough for about 3 weeks now. I had a cold and stomach issues the first week with only a slight cough nothing major and then I felt better on the Friday. Then I seem to have gotten larigytis as I had no voice last week, but now my voice is better. I am not too congested anymore, but this cough will not let up and always seems the worst at night. Since I took a test and it was negative, I took some cold medication which helped me to sleep through the night without waking up, as I had 3 hours of sleep the night before. I don't want to take any tonight, but I am still coughing.
• I am currently a supply teacher. I am a qualified teacher, but got bumped out of my permanent position due to cutbacks. I recently applied for a bunch of positions and didn't even get an interview. ( It is not just me though that seems to be keep being passed over). It is just really depressing that I can't seem to get a head. I supply at least 3 times a week, but a long term job is what I really want.
• And the fact that it is winter, really cold, and the lack of sunlight seems to be making my mood pretty yucky. I like to walk, but when faced with a windchill of -20C, I can't say that I am motivated to leave the house. It seems that this time of year is the longest, and the coldest.
  

I have been pretty snarky lately and mostly with my husband, but I will admit my patience with my students lately has not been the best, ( although I have been trying really really hard to stay my fun happy self which I accomplish about 99 percent of the time.) My DH understands my frustrations. I hate feeling this way.

Hopefully things will start to look up soon and with more sunshine happening I am hoping my regular self will come back.

Bought more supplies

Well since I have no clue what is happening on the TTC front. Tests are appearing negative, I am concentrating on getting fit and crafting.

I have made a really hard effort not to snack in the evenings, and to make sure that my meals are sensible and smaller. My swimsuit is in, but I haven't had a chance to go pick it up. On Monday I am signing up for 10 weeks of HipHop classes on Sunday nights so that will be more exercise.


For the crafting, I went to Walmart today and stocked up on yarn. I am planning on being in a craft show in November, so I need to start preparing now. I want to crochet a couple of blankets for it. I picked some light green and cream, off white and medium blue, and purple. I already have quite a stash so it should allow me to do lots of colour variations.

I am also planning on selling rice bags ( that you microwave for pain or freeze for a freezer pack). I bought some more fabric today. It needs to be 100% cotton. I got a couple of metres of $3/m fabric and some things out of the remanent bin so I will have lots of colour variation. As well, I am going to make some aprons as well for adults and kids. So I have lots of sewing in my future as well. I will post pictures later.

Getting Fit

My goals are to
1. Not snack in the evenings, but boy how I love my popcorn.
2. Include more fruits in my diet and try to eat more veggies.
3. Swim at least twice a week
4. Go on the exercise bike at home once a week ( it is pretty antiquated and doesn't work all that well)
5. Use my ab roller twice a week


Hopefully this will make my belly shrink, because that seems to be the biggest problem area.

My Crochet Projects

Since TTC can be a somewhat monotonous subject, I also do other things with my time like crochet. I don't know how to crochet in rows, but I make giant granny square afghans. Here are some on the ones that I have made.

This is the first afghan that I made. It is about 3 feet by 3 feet

This is the second one that I made. The colours are what I had on hand. Not too pretty, but pretty comfy.




This blue and brown I made for my DH bosses' wife Baby shower. It took me about 2 weeks to make as the yarn was very thick and I did it pretty loosely.




This is a blanket I made for my best friend for her baby shower. It is in a baby soft yarn with a small needle. It took like 2 months to do. I had to crochet in the summer which is horrible as it is too warm to crochet then.


This last blanket I started in May and finished in October, although I didn't touch it for a few months. My DH wanted a big blanket and I just kept going. It is nice and warm and is still currently on our bed.